The decision to come to France for a year, leaving behind my friends and family and stepping way out of my comfort zone, was a scary decision to make. However, the fear I felt when I got on the plane was nothing in comparison to the fear I felt when trying to get ready for the New Year's party. With no one around to help me out I had to depend on my own miserable hair and make up skills to try and look New Years Eve-y when I knew that every other girl at the party would be stunning. And once I finally did decide on a hairstyle and color of lip gloss, I then had to enter the party room alone and awkwardly search for a place to put my stuff, in front of everyone already seated at the dinner table. Unfortunately, self consciousness got the better of me and I abandoned the hairstyle after about five minutes inside. But after I got past the fear and the awkwardness, I did have a good time. We stayed up way too late and danced way too much and did the overall New Years thing. There was even champagne. It was fun to see everyone all fancy, with their beautiful dresses and elaborate hair styles that must have taken hours. I am glad to have gone. Next time, though, there is absolutely no way I am getting ready alone.
The week of vacation leading up to New Years was nice and relaxed. The snow slowly melted away and we spent our time going out to movies and eating through our Christmas chocolate. It was relaxing, but I was definitely still missing Florida and family. There were a few moments at the New Years party where I found myself thinking I would rather be eating smores at a bonfire. I think this vacation was the low point for me in missing all you people. Those two weeks were filled with hard moments.
It's alright now, though. Diving back into everything has given me plenty of distractions to keep my mind off homesickness. School with it's tests and homework and nine and a half hour days (tuesday and thursday) that start and end with a dark sky. Karate and Dance and P.E. (two hours of swimming laps on thursday mornings) have all started up again, keeping me perpetually sore because of all the muscle I lost eating that Christmas chocolate. And more exhausting than all that, I have really been pushing myself to talk to people and participate in French conversations. My most important New Years resolution was to come back to America not just understanding French fluently, because I think I've got that down, but speaking it too. People here might not notice the effort I'm making because I still don't dominate any conversations but I have been working up the courage to participate in group discussions and talk to people about the holidays and the differences between here and the states. It does take a whole lot of effort but with each comment the next one is easier. I think I've made progress this week.
In between my school and my dance class every wednesday I have three hours to wander around town and explore. This week I decided to get organized and on top of everything so I spent that time doing errands for school. I couldn't find something I was looking for in the store, so I used logic to figure out what it would be next to and I eventually did find it. I also wanted to find the post office in town and I found it without getting remotely lost or asking for help. I don't know why, but these were huge triumphs for me. There have been days here where I have had no idea what was going on or where to find what I needed and just felt lost and confused and foreign. But finding what I was looking for made me feel like I know this town. Like I understand it. I'm not just a tourist staying for an extended stay, I live here.
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